Look, I come here for the highlights, right? Just show me the dunk, I'm good. But noooo, we have to spend 12 minutes detailing the childhood trauma of the kicker whose cleat broke in '07. If I wanted to feel empathy, I'd talk to my family. Stop making me emotionally invested in a ball going over a line. It’s just sports, people. Save the cinematic scores for a tragedy, like my team’s entire existence.